Luck

Do you ever believe in such a things? Most of the time I don't until shit like this happens.

For the past few months after "that" happened, everything seems to just deteriorate and fall apart. Hey, I still want my life. I still want everything. I want it to be better than before, not worst.

If the graph of my life is linear, it'll be

f(x) = m1x1-(|m2x2|)^2+c

One steep downhill.

Been having a terrible time. Horrible time.
For the past few weeks (months now I suppose)

Funny how I got back to my Form 5's state of mind.

Certainly is not a good thing.

Bipolar

So it seems that I have the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Before this I do have suspicion that I have it since you know, I'm pessimistic and optimistic like an AC wave with very, very high amplitude.

So I took a short online quiz, a brief and not scientific one to get an idea of how severe I am with bipolar disorder. Seems like I'm pretty much fucked.

Yeah. From depressed to mania in a short time. I can remember such things happening too. Not once, not twice, not thrice. It's more.

At least I I'm not clueless now, I have an idea how severe my bipolar disorder is.

And I only 19. What should I do?

Life

I've been living the lone ranger lifestyle since Form 1. Ever since I came here to MMU, each time I lived back that way people will ask me why am I so lonely.

So I took a lot of steps trying to change that. I did many things. Too many.

Now, it's not that I'm alone. It's that I'm abandoned.
It's that I no longer want to live that life again. It's that now I'm forced to get back to that life.

Now I'm kinda going back to that. But I've lived that life before. I don't see a reason why I can't go back there now.

One secret

A short one, won't take more than a minute to read.

Truth is, I never had my birthday celebrated with friends.

Not even once.

That's all I want to say. I'm not hoping for anything. Just that I get a sort of mental pain each time I see other people celebrating birthdays.