The issue is bigger than I want to admit

It's a little abrupt. I guess the thing that happened back in 2015 is way more significant than how I admit it would be. Perhaps lies and betrayal from my so-called "best friend" and the bunch of close friends are just too much.

Yeah, I know, I've been on this topic for quite a lot of time.

It's too much to the point that I can't comprehend, and end up not seeing and admitting how much it has affected me. Though on the path of recovery, I still can't really get over it, still.

This is the reason why I have trust issues. I keep my guard up. I'm just way too sensitive to any sort of lie or potential betrayal.

Guess I'll need more time dealing with this. Takes lots of encouragement, reassurance, and patience.



Time is funny indeed. When people say "time fixes everything", actually you can see it the other way around too. "Time destroys everything". It's true, time passes no matter what you did or did not do.

Though, it's a lazy way of explaining what really happened. If there's tension in the air and you let it be, then it'll grow as time goes by. Later, you'll feel like "oh, it's been way too long. Let's not dwell into that", and never clear the tension. Then, it'll end up as "time destroying your relationship".

Or perhaps you consistently work for something. Then time does work in your favour, given that you don't fuck things up.

Speaking of time, it's the night with moonlight shining in my room again. It's been more than a year since I last saw moonlight in my bedroom.

Work. Work? Work!

Here's the funny thing. Since I "resigned" from IBM, in less than a month, I was counter-offered. Kinda crazy considering the fact that I sleep in front of my manager every single day without fail. Even she respects my sleeping time and only communicate with me after I woke up.

So the counter-offer was simple. Since the company is having a hiring freeze, there was no replacement for a crucial account that the team is handling. I was offered to take up the account entirely without touching any other accounts and I can "work from home". Essentially, I'm a free man.

Or so I thought. Now I'm getting calls to join meetings and to step in to assist other accounts that I used to support. Why? Lack of resource, that's why.

Well, that's fine and all... but considering the fact that the other part is growing too, things are really getting out of hand.

Chinese New Year was supposed to be a time where I can kick back a little and enjoy some time to relax. No work, no calls, no messages about work, no talking about work. I guess that's never going to happen, as work just keeps piling up by the hour.

Seriously, there was this university mates gathering that I attended, ended up talking about websites, social media, marketing, and SEO instead. I just wanna sit down and have a good time.

I can't taichi to anyone else either. No one else is available during that time. Only me.
And I understand it's CNY, don't want to disturb others as well. Let them have their fun.

There's no one to back me up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Guess I'm just burned out.

Honestly, it's going to get even busier in March. I just hope things go well. I'll do whatever it takes to make things go well and keep everyone happy.

Speaking of March, birthday is coming up. Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy. Presumably, it'll be another day full of work - not that I mind since there's no time to be wasted.
6th March.Thinking back, I've been praying and wishing for the same thing on my birthday for a decade already. At least this time I don't have to wish for the same thing like any other birthdays in the past, I hope.