John 4:19

We love because he first loved us.


Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

Christmas is coming

Seems like things started even earlier this year. It's not even December yet and the Christmas gear is already churning.

Christmas is always a time that I like. It's a time to chill. Stay back and relax a little. Enjoy the beautiful light show and the decoration. For some reason, it makes me feel cozy.

Here's the time to voice out your appreciations and whatnot too. Christmas only happens once a year.

Christmas is also known as the time of giving. And that's where I'm going to get something - no matter how small of a gift - as a token of appreciation throughout the year. I know, a little gift can't tell the whole story of what these people have contributed throughout the year. But at least it's something.

Speaking of which, time to do my Christmas shopping.
Add to cart.
Check out.

Done. ETA: 2nd December to 22nd December.
Now I just hope it'll arrive before Christmas.

Seeking intimacy? Or just lonely?

In life, it's difficult to be living alone. I'm someone who likes to be alone sometimes, but alone with the one or two people that I want to be with.

I want to actually have someone to talk to when I need to. Someone I can pour my heart to everyday regardless of what sort of topic it is.

Some call it intimacy - which I think I'm seeking for it quite desperately. Some call it soulmate or best friend - which is something that is really dear to me.

I hope that I already have someone who I can call a soulmate or a best friend for life. A decade later - there's hope, but seemingly unstable, it seems. That's because I've been rejected. And I'm still very much pissed off about that even after all that I've done. Feels like all the effort for nothing other than a false hope.

Let's face it - I missed my window of opportunity completely. The window for the magically innocent childhood friendship where lifelong best friendships are most likely to form.

Ironic, isn't it? As people get older, the gates into their lives shuts off completely. You'll only be closest with the people that you met during your childhood days.

Honestly, no idea what I'm doing in life when it comes to this. I missed my opportunity and I want to get something magical back - but that's impossible.

Perhaps it's time to find a girlfriend that can deal with my shit.
The worst feeling I can ever get is to be deliberately ignored or avoided - which I can feel happening to me now.

I've done my part here and maybe it's time for me to fuck off. Perhaps it's time for me to seal off my gates too. Just that I'll be living alone and lonely forever too.

Guess it's time to cry myself to sleep.