It's been some time. I am overwhelmed with many things that are going on right now and I just want some short escape.
Let's just go and address the obvious - 26th birthday. It's a tradition that I do here that I will talk about my birthday in particular and how that day passed. It's already 2 weeks, though. Time really flies.
This year, it's funny. I just focused on work and tried to ignore the fact that it is indeed my birthday. Some remembered and wished earlier, some people did not even wish. What's funny is that when we were wrapping up work for that day, I was caught off-guard with the appearance of a cake. I did not expect that since the guys didn't seem to show any signs of them remembering my birthday. No wishes or anything - just a cake all of a sudden.
With the people around me on that day, eating a cake and then heading for dinner - that is actually a birthday that I absolutely enjoyed. That's pretty much ideal for me.
With that done, I do have some other things to say. I did let myself get consumed by work entirely and that really yielded something different. I'm not even thinking about any personal feelings or emotional health from them until now actually, because I want myself to be totally fatigued and not think about emotional stuff at all. Not even in personal or friendship development.
I want things to get better but realizing that it can never go back the way it was, I'm just bummed out.
Like what I was talking to someone else just now - looking back at any relationship that turned sour, we judge our own actions in the past and call ourselves stupid. Blasphemous for even helping or talking to such person! But at the moment when it happened, we have a spark that compelled us to do what we did.
When that particular thing turned sour, we start labeling it as a toxic relationship. But for people like me, we can't let it go entirely. It is already a part of us - and deep down, we still appreciate the times we spent together, especially with those particular person - even though we do hate you now.
Since we can never fully let it go, the thought of those happy times comes and we start to miss those times. And then the seasonal emotional breakdown happens. Why can't we ever go back to those days?
I don't know, but I really love those times we spent together. How I wish we can spend more of those times together.
And always appreciate those around you all the time, always. They can be gone in a blink of an eye. I am practicing to be more calm and making decisions with a clear mind. Sometimes, it does slip out though.
It's funny how words just flow out of my mind into the keyboard through my finger. I am typing this with my eyes clothes and well, I think these are just the things that I wanted to say and get it out of mind and into somewhere else.
I don't even remember what I ate for dinner and I don't even read what I typed. This is somewhat therapeutic to me, honestly.
