What I still believe might be true

Humans become more reserved and less adventurous as time goes by. The comfort zone starts to engulf our lives and it affects everything.

I believe that of all the things, making new friendships or just acquaintances is affected the most. We got too comfortable with the people we know now and never once try to reach out to someone new and say - hey, I like to make new friends and actually adhere to that principle.

Society celebrates "long friendship" too much to the point where people are flaunting around how long they've been friends with someone and undermining their newly-made friendship and given a tonne of pressure from the start. Can a flower ever flourish with something sitting on top of its seed?

Some people even think they're better than others and just ignored the possibility of that friendship.

Maybe I ruined my chances by the psychotic thoughts and actions I have. Or maybe I just need to understand myself better and control my actions. For all that I have realized, I'm impulsively destructive but superbly constructive if given enough care.

My little blog here is just a place for me to voice my thoughts. I don't see myself changing the perspective of the entire society with just this little blog, but it serves as a relief for this brain of mine.

Perhaps I'm depressed, perhaps I'm anxious, and maybe even suicidal. Whichever it is, I just want to feel happy again and have a reason and enough motivation to get out of my bed every morning.

P/S: Twitter sucks. Too little privacy and too much policing.

feeling like I'm about to implode

Let's put everything out there first.

I'm fairly antisocial who just doesn't want to get out, but will still sometimes want to go out because I'm bored and want to see stuff.

I like being quiet and be alone but sometimes will be great if there's someone else.

This pandemic really puts things in perspective, though. And I'm starting to feel stuck.

I also enjoy working but as far as work goes, I sometimes feel like it's stalled out uninteresting or lost the motivation to work.

Since work is like the biggest part of my life, finding companionship is something that I do if I don't want to work.

And this feedback loop goes round again - I'm antisocial and don't want to go out to meet new people.

I've also never dated anyone before due to this. Guys or girls.

You see where I'm getting?

And now I'm trying to reach out to people but I'm getting rejected. Yeah. I'm pretty sad.

Seasonal depression maybe?