Insecurity of me

Yeah, I'm an insecure little bitch. I want someone to tell me that they'll be here forever, and they won't leave me until the end of time.

Well not in the lovers type of way of course, but friendship kinda way.
That won't happen though, it's something that only time will tell. My mind is always in the future or the past, it's never focused on the present time.

To be honest, I do think that's what best friends are for. Care about each other, no matter what happens.
"Best friend" is very vague word, but when you do think about it, a best friend is somewhat not so ideal at all. "Best friend" is a road not taken by many, so there are no heavy topics or debate about what it is, but I think it's an important part of life.

They're the ones who care about you indefinitely. They won't leave you when you tell them to leave, since they know you're in pain or unhappy.
Surely different people will try different methods to make that unhappiness go away.
Some people will try to cheer you up, some will ask you to pour your heart's poison out.

To be honest, I'm the kind of guy who appears to be emotionless most of the time, but then I'm actually sensitive as heck.
Funny since insecurity and sensitivity issues come from a guy like me eh?

Back to the main one, best friend is about caring for each other unconditionally and indefinitely. They'll be the one who listens to you, advices and make you feel good. Those who won't leave you alone. Those who will call you out of a sudden and make your day. Those phone calls that an introvert can't resist. It exists.


There are still many things that I cannot accept as a fact of life - particularly my own life.
If I ever got the chance to talk my heart out to someone I care, I won't hesitate at all.

I'm someone who doesn't get along well with jokes, and I find jokes a little offensive sometimes.


I always wondered - I used to live purely as a lone ranger since the beginning, why can't I continue on as a lone ranger now? I can't find the answer, and the last time I tried being a lone ranger ended up being all clingy again.

The introvert in me wants interaction, but still retracts to only about 1 or 2 person at a time.
The antisocial in me wants to continue to live back the way I used to be - alone, no headache of social stuff at all. It's quite impossible given that I'm in such a position right now.


I should really stop comparing myself to other people too. That really made me suicidal.
The past is past, we can't change the things we spent our time on. In university, it all depends on your brain and your talent. No joke that I'm already physically unfit, how can I even strive...