..... some truth?

How do you feel when you leave school after SPM, and no one contacts you at all?
The only time those people ever came back to contact is when they need my "expertise".
Each time that happens, I take that as a chance to engage back with secondary school people.
And you know what? Each time, they just ask and then after that they disappear. Poof.
Not to mention that I get scolded when I try to explain something.
The most recent time was my fault for falling into a well-laid trap.
Helped someone assemble a PC for free, but I had to travel back and forth from Puchong for 4 times.
I was requested to travel back for the 5th time just to help him install Photoshop, but I've had enough of this bullshit.

Ever since I realized this harsh truth, a black hole grew within me, within my heart.
I tried to steer the universe in my favour and obviously have failed 3 times actually.

How I steer the universe? By finding myself a best friend.

The 3 failed ones were surprisingly heart aching, you can feel the distance start to grow...
What happened next was less and less communication, and when the holidays came, the distance were few light years apart.
Didn't even say a simple "hi" during the holidays.
I'm not even referring to the long holiday during the year end, just the short two-week holiday.

This is the 4th time I tried to steer the universe in my favour.
It's looking pretty good, but the most feared thing is coming up.
I most certainly am worried.
What happens if again, distance grew and another few light years separate us again?
I don't want that to happen.

Let me ask you this - what do you feel when you're neglected or ignored?
I'm not referring to just anyone, I'm referring to your friend.
Your close friend.
Your best friend.

I tasted this bitter feel for many times.
I just want to know for sure that this won't happen to my best friend.

It's really heartbreaking when you're being thrown away by the person who is very important to you.
Almost feels like you're getting abandoned by your own parents.

I don't know if you can understand this but the reason why I'm so sensitive to these social things is because I've been thrown away too many times.
I grew tired of this bullshit.
Stop.
Each time I get thrown away, the worst part is that I have no one to go to.
I only have my own pillow to cry and soak my tears.

It's the time where I realize it's forever quality over quantity.
And quality is what I'm aiming for.

The black hole starts consuming me whenever possible.
I'm starting to cement that black hole, but I'm not sure that I can.
The ultimate test is marching forth.
I don't think I'm prepared for it...
I'm very afraid of rejection - that goes for being rejected, neglected or ignored.



It's something only time can tell.
I'll continue to steer the universe, if I can.




People also told me that since I have such issues, getting a girlfriend will solve it.
Hell no
Think about it.
If my relationship doesn't work out, then I'm totally on my own.
No external support, nothing.
For once, I think I'll go batshit insane.
This also contributes to the reason... why I need to seal up the black hole first.



And I thought this is supposed to be a "meet me halfway" thing.
Seems like I'm the one on pursuit to meet you at your doorstep.
Maybe I'm too blind to see the other 50%.



Things like these, it's always best to be told explicitly.
Indirect answers and hints just drive me crazy.
Also driving the black hole crazy.




"Don't you know that the heart is something can only be touched by others?"


It's something that can only be felt by you, but those feelings are caused by others.