To me personally, it's been a year since the trigger. A lot has happened and a lot has changed since then. And it seems to be going full circle and back to the beginning where things were at a bad state.
Firstly, it feels like I'm being pushed away again. Unwanted and just discarded. Disregarded. Better to be invisible at times.
I don't really care much about praise and shit like that - mostly just acknowledgement that I'm a human. I mean, respond to me and talk like a human is fine. Sharing, talking, interacting.
Honestly speaking, my soul has been turning back to its hollow and loveless state again since these past 2 months or so. Life has pretty much been in autopilot mode since then.
I'm pissed at times but I can't show. I literally want to break stuff at times but I can't do it.
I guess that's life for me.
Working all the time.
Forever alone all the way.
Not like I bother, though.
Been this way for many years already.
How much worse can it get?
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Monday, August 6, 2018
Moving out
Yes, as the title suggest, it's time. The time for me to move out is finally here.
Thinking back, it's been nearly a year since the idea came up. After so much waiting, the time has arrived.
Being my first time moving out, I'm anxious. Really anxious. And afraid. And somewhat excited? I have no idea what's to come.
To be completely honest, at that time I was throwing around this idea for me to move there as a way to integrate our working place more tightly. It eventually became a thing and I realized how crucial it is for us to all work at one place at the same time.
The other reason to move there is a personal one. I mean... my best friend and brother - someone very important to me - was in quite a bad state at that time. Helped him out and lots have improved - but there are many other things to be improved further. I guess that's where I step in?
Now the real thing is happening and I'm just having a mixed bag of emotions. The best way to deal with something is to do it face to face - but confrontations
aren't my forte either.
To care for others, perhaps I need to be cared for a while.
The transition period will definitely be a weird one. Hopefully everything works out smoothly and quickly.
Don't know if I can focus back at work instantly with a shakeup at a fundamental level.
By the way, 2/5 phones have finished reviewing. Other 3 will be short reviews soooooooo yeah. Heading to Taipei again too. Hopefully my leg doesn't fuck itself up this time.
Stressful times ahead.
Thinking back, it's been nearly a year since the idea came up. After so much waiting, the time has arrived.
Being my first time moving out, I'm anxious. Really anxious. And afraid. And somewhat excited? I have no idea what's to come.
To be completely honest, at that time I was throwing around this idea for me to move there as a way to integrate our working place more tightly. It eventually became a thing and I realized how crucial it is for us to all work at one place at the same time.
The other reason to move there is a personal one. I mean... my best friend and brother - someone very important to me - was in quite a bad state at that time. Helped him out and lots have improved - but there are many other things to be improved further. I guess that's where I step in?
Now the real thing is happening and I'm just having a mixed bag of emotions. The best way to deal with something is to do it face to face - but confrontations
aren't my forte either.
To care for others, perhaps I need to be cared for a while.
The transition period will definitely be a weird one. Hopefully everything works out smoothly and quickly.
Don't know if I can focus back at work instantly with a shakeup at a fundamental level.
By the way, 2/5 phones have finished reviewing. Other 3 will be short reviews soooooooo yeah. Heading to Taipei again too. Hopefully my leg doesn't fuck itself up this time.
Stressful times ahead.
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