Moving on

As time goes by, I think at this point of time, some things are much more apparent. While I still would like to experience some of that childhood innocence and magic, it's apparent that everyone else has changed - obviously physically and mentally.

In words from Keane, everybody's changing. Actually, everybody has already changed. Just that I have not changed. I've been clinging on to achieve something that I was set out to do a decade ago.

It's time for me to move on from this delusion, even though it is definitely not easy.

I admit. I'm someone who's not really that experienced in befriending people and I don't particularly know how to be a friend too. And yeah, I am abnormal. Actually, who is "normal"? What is "normal"? Everyone is different, and there is no one template that everyone fits in. So fuck it with the "normal".

It's about compatibility. Everyone has different compatibility. Some people are just more compatible with others, while some like me just aren't compatible with others in general.

For me, the goal to find a best friend has been disappointing to say the least. The incompatibility might be an odd case at first, but given that it's already the 3rd time, I think it is all but confirmed. The problem is with me. I might as well give up.

I guess the thing is that I don't have any hope for the whole best friend thing anymore. The journey is something that I promised to go along with, but I don't think I'll be putting in any more extra effort, though old habits die hard.

Long-term hope that just get burned down is much more damaging. Hope is dangerous. Dreams are suicidal.

Every action has a reaction and it takes two hands to clap. If I do things but without any reaction, then why should I continue?


My initial guess is correct then. In this world, it's always better if I am with an impenetrable cold heart. Just block everyone off.

Less troubles, less worries, and definitely less hope and less dreams.

Just do what I must and fuck off. If things don't work out, then leave.
What is there to be afraid in losing someone or something, right?

I can do better on my own.
I am already doing better on my own.