It's always good to clarify things, no matter how small or ridiculous it sounds. For me, if *something* bothers me, I'll want to get answers from it. If there are multiple of these tiny little annoyances, they'll surely build up and annoy the hell out of me.
Yes, many things have been on my mind. Had the opportunity to at least talk a part of it. That helped. A lot. Though I can't have everything vomited out at once - that's just impossible since these doubts come in small dosages over time.
After that, I did some thinking after that - which I tend to overdo - and this time around, let me just say that I'll give things another chance. Things seem to be lining itself up and asking a chance for a reset and redo.
This time I'll do things differently. First thing is to banish my expectations entirely. I'm going in again with zero expectations. Hopes kill and dreams are suicidal - but unexpected glimmer of hope shown by others is always a wonderful gesture of mutual understanding of the intention to move forward together. That also means the relationship is not one-sided.
Secondly is to always talk things out. It's never going to be a smooth journey. If things are always smooth sailing, it's too good to be remotely true. There will be disagreements, but the ability to solve and get through such obstacle depends on both parties.
I got here not by chance but by some sort of gravitational force. I can give this another chance but I am trying to shift my perspective on things.
Experiments are about repeating the same thing over and over again but with tweaks - even just tiny little ones. That's how we can optimize the methodology and get the results.
So what if I failed 3 times? Or four? Or five? I have nothing to lose.
I can always try again - but with tweaks.
Let's march onwards on this never-ending journey that does not have any tracks.
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