Festivities in general

Chinese New Year is right around the corner - and yeah I'm going to say it. I don't really like Chinese New Year. Or any other holiday/festivals with long holidays in general, to be honest.

For me, these are the loneliest times. Everyone's away and tendering to their own friends and family obviously.

Chinese New Year in particular is lonely af too. There's no relative for me to go back to since the family is broken as heck. Brother's divorce is now official too so there's no sister-in-law for me.

And I sure as hell will not go back to hometown. I have no friends there so that's definitely not a path I'll take.

I, on the other hand, will just go back to being lonely in my own room and doing what I always do - work. Since nothing is happening, I just take other people's job to work on. That'll keep my mind off things.

Because having an empty mind with nothing to do really does make me feel down and depressed. So I take other people's job. Yet these work mostly goes unappreciated.

I got so pissed off when I was told "we worked until midnight, we didn't have dinner and we decided to go at the last minute." As if I don't work all day and all night. As if I didn't skip my meals for work. I had people ordering a takeaway right in front of me and acted as if I'm invisible after I skipped lunch for work. Just fantastic.

Start treating me like a human too. I oftentimes go unappreciated and just ignored and avoided. The things that I say out of my pure heart just go right through someone's head.

Can't blame me for going depressed all the time if I'm not taken seriously, ignored, and avoided all the time right? I ask for help ONCE and it was put aside and ignored. If I can do it myself, I wouldn't even ask for help at all.

And some might say I have FOMO. Which is quite true for some situations. Yet some people will just call me at the last minute as courtesy - not because they truly intend to ask me out for laughs and giggles. I hate last minute shits. Please plan beforehand.

There's a reason why I believe celebrating someone's birthday is important. It's a fixed date every year and it goes to show how much you actually appreciate someone and grateful for that particular person. A well-thought celebration is always the way to go. Gathering, spend the day together, that's cool.

A sloppy celebration is an insult. It's like a quick way to just say "hi, HBD, bye" type of thing. Generally feels bad. For me, the worst is when there's a lot of people involved. And never ever lie to me.

Now with another week-long holiday coming, I wonder how long I can hold up before going all depressed again. I appreciate and grateful for others, but I am never appreciated or had someone be grateful for me. That's life for me anyway. This does not spark joy.

I always find a way to cheer others up, so who will cheer me up?