281th post

When you're having some inconvenient spare time... the time that you have to spare but you can't do anything else as you're locked down in some situation? For example is when you're stuck in a conference which you have no relation with but you are FORCED to attend.

Then it struck you, boredom is there, you have your phone. You go Facebook with it.

You realise that it's boring. You sit there, relaxing. You then realise that your boredom is because of your brain is in active state. 

While relaxing... you start to think of random things, often brainstorming with very good ideas in such state (at least for me XD)

For me... while I was driving today I thought of something while realising my legs are controlling the throttle and break. I'm your typical-looking  guy from Ipoh, studying in MMU Cyberjaya now. Underneath that is thicker than all the holy bibles combined.

First to start off is that I do have leg problem. I admit. No way whining about that though I do always ask WHY ME a lot of times. If god does exist, is he implying karma on me? Is he saying that "Oh, there is a fixed number of people with certain specific disabilities, I think you can handle this well" and gave this to me? If not, still, WHY?

Thinking back I've been living in this state for already 18 years, 7 months and 28 days. Getting discriminated is already in my 'to be expected' list. I'm just happy that the worst part of my history never repeat itself in MMU.

I've been handling these questions well though it still dwells upon me.

Am I a handicap or not? - I am already in the grey area, I can take advantage of both sides. And I'm not that evil to do so, that's why I consider myself not a handicap.

I do feel sudden pain sometimes and I hope to have a wheelchair. - Many therapists say I can handle pain very well. Maybe of the passive pain of the leg that I'm already immune to?

All these questions~ They keep coming~

I did have one of these "sessions" earlier and I found the most understanding to be Michael. He's the only one that I think can understand and will be able to provide a proper answer. I told him and he said "take this as a test as something that will keep you moving on."

Firstly I'm happy that someone actually listened to me instead of me listening back. As since Form 4, I've been known as "the motivator". Not actually remembering why but now I do know that everyone needs to be heard sometimes.

Don't worry, I've been living in this condition for so long I'm sure I can survive in the years ahead. =)

That aside, the funniest part is now people always say that I'm gay with Michael. Please stop your childlike mentality. Being close to a person with the same gender doesn't make you gay. In fact I don't mind if I'm close with a homosexual. They're still humans. I am one too.

Being open minded really do solve a lot of conflicts in the world.

Till next time.