Priorities

Does numbers really do matter that much to you? Please, proceed. You know that 90% of them aren't even coming, and the insurance agent analogy holds true. Numbers aren't even close to being the deciding factor in this case. Get your priorities straight. You're giving your life up for something irrelevant. You're abandoning those who care for you. Abandoning your friends and your lover. Given that all of those people magically came, it's utter shit if you can't manage to pull off a decent event.


But please, do. I'd like to see.


Publicity yes, you got your name out

Does anyone actually care?

Do you care? I know I do. I cared too much actually. But what's the point? As if you'll care about me. Anyone for that matter. I'm disposable.

Boggles my mind

Ever since I was in primary school in always hear those in my class saying how much fun they have everyday as they live pretty near to each other.

Relationship getting stronger by the day thanks to the short distance, they can meet everyday.

I've got to say I'm jealous. Given the right people and the short distance, they can be your companion for life. For real.

Even now I do hope and wish for the same thing, but principle stays same - given right people. I know one that stays within 15 minutes from where I am and I think it's pretty near, though not the right person I think...

But I think the distance somehow is good, just that I can't see it yet maybe... But I do hope that my wish will come true one day, soon from now.

I've been longing for this since I was very young.

And no doubt, there's a lot of things about friendship and relationships that I still have to learn. Coming from my past, I'm no good with these at all.

I hope you are all perfectly well in teaching me all these. Much appreciated! After all, I'm a grown up kid learning kid stuff. I started late - very late.

Deadliest combination

So I am an introvert that has a brain that somehow is cross-dominant.
It just means that two hemispheres are equally dominant, nothing much.
How did I come to that conclusion? Well, I can use chopsticks with both my hands equally well, I pour drinks using my left hand (preferably) and write with my right.
A good division of labor, though I mostly favour one side in particular depending on the task. This is called mixed handedness. Ambidextrous is where you can do EVERYTHING with both your hands equally well. That's exceptionally rare of course.

Ambidextrous people aren't much different from mixed handedness in terms of how the brain works. They're both equally well and both hemispheres are just as active. The problems with ambidextrous and mixed handed freaks are the inconceivable truce between the two hemispheres and the *hand confusion*. Let me tell you one by one.

The two hemispheres are like Apple and Google for ambidextrous and mixed handed freaks. They both nearly never reach a truce. Learning is a problem. Both hemispheres contradict each other in almost every single way at every single thing you do.

More here http://cigognenews.blogspot.com/2012/02/skipping-steps-untoward-consequences-of_24.html

I for one can't make up my mind which hand to use while playing badminton. I don't know which hand to use while throwing things. I can't balance myself nicely.
I have poor handwriting. Learning is a hassle for me, I wonder how I ever got this far.

Introvert is someone who prefer to live within their own minds rather than going out and socialize. The funniest thing though is how much they think within their own brain.
For me, I think of mostly pessimistic things and spew it out to my blog - this one you're reading.

Why is this a deadly composition you ask?

Given mixed handedness, I have the greatest contradiction within my own skull - between the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere of my brain.
Given introversion, I tend to live within my own mind.

You can already see what's the effect. Both combined, I'm not sure how long I am going to last. I'm afraid I'm on the verge to kill myself.

Each time during the holidays, people only approach me for favours. Sean, I'm looking at you. Twice you contacted me is about iPads and Nexuses. The people I approach ignored me.

That's why I buy/plan things to occupy and waste all my time on during the holidays. Just to keep my mind off everything.
I can't find anyone to clear my mind off anything, that's why.

The more time I have alone with my mind, the close I'll get to going insane.

The best time I ever had while killing my time is playing Borderlands 2 online.

So, who wants to commit suicide with me?

Assumptions the community make

It's sad how the citizens of the world tend to make assumptions and generalizations. Some of it are not made, inherited or developed, but fed by the media.

Take this as an example : everyone thinks that in a love relationship, the guy is the one always providing his shoulder for the girl to cry on.

Agree? I'm sure you all do. Watch too many movies? Maybe. I don't see what's wrong with a girl providing her shoulders for her guy to cry on.

Heck, I don't even see the problem for the guy to provide his shoulder for  his best friend to cry on. It's not gay or anything, it's all love.

Be more open minded.

Cause of my insomnia

Yesterday was with a terrible insomnia. Slept at 4, woke up at 7 and force myself to sleep, then woke up at 10.30am. So yeah, it's a very tiring day.

Already with lack of sleep, my mood and temper isn't good. Then my pants got torn by a plate number (yes, plate number). Went to the study place, can't get any sleep at all.

Reason why? I find it too quiet. Unreasonable? Try to think of it as... your most active condition. While trying to get some sleep at the studying place, I tried to figure out why I couldn't sleep and why they insomnia.

The link is possibly due to introversion and nocturnal. Largely due to introversion, I find quietness (not too quiet though) to be magnificent, and the night makes me think more and have more idea flowing through as compared to any other time.

Should I really go consult a doctor? No. My insomnia is due to the things I can't stop thinking about for years, and is something that I'm trying to fix now. Details in the few recent posts. Thanks for your concern anyhow. I do think about it all the time, but sometimes it does keep me awake.

Yesterday I got the idea. Instead of over thinking until my brain goes tired and sleep, why not try letting everything out?

Insomnia (September 18th, 3.52am)

I'm a guy. Not so typical guy, thanks to my leg. I consider myself as an early-matured guy and because of this, I didn't blend in with my fellow classmates. Somehow I never met anyone with a similar case as mine, until last year.

Back in the days, I am the last one anyone would ever talk to. I became a person for others to express their emotions, like a psychologist. I gave everyone advice, hoping that they can get out of their problems.

Later, I became "the motivator" and I am still the final person to talk to. Being that, I became more and more lonely obviously, and became a full lone ranger. I started being an extreme introvert, handling myself and everything within my reach alone.

That's when this blog started to fill in with emotional stuff. The other day I logged in to my Evernote and I saw the things I got emotional about since 2010, yet I am still being emotional about it after all I've been through the 2 years. Let's refer it as issue X. It's a personal thing, but you can find out what it is in a few posts before this one.

Well guess what? I can't even get my mind straight about issue X. My past is a complete void other than helping people, yet this is at about Form 4 and Form 5. Any time before that is... Pretty much an empty void, and my childhood is completely empty no doubt.

The scars on my arm and leg reminds me that I did have a past, but an empty one. Scars since I was little. Surgery marks since I was 2. Injuries since I was 8.

The thing is, I know in my life I lived as a lone ranger for so long, I know how to subtly satisfy or at least try to satisfy everyone involved by myself. But the worst problem comes when you're no longer living alone.

While living alone, you don't have to bother about socializing, maintaining this and that. I'm exactly in this position. From a lone ranger to what I can call myself a socialite. I feel insecure. I don't know what friends are. I don't have anyone to tell everyone single pain.

When they all go back go their hometowns, everyone will find their secondary school friends. I should too but I have only two remaining, where one is at Australia. I don't have a close friend or a best friend, or at least I don't know how to read the signs. Again, I'm insecure, so tell me straight on if you are my close or best friend.

I always preached last time, "believe, and it will happen". I wonder what happened, I didn't practice it since ever. But recently another friend of mine reminded me about this.

If I practice this again, then I can make believe that I have one best friend, a few close friends and a handful of friends.

I rarely preached the theory of "circle of friends" since I think it is true but very offensive and ridiculous when I share it out, though I found numerous applications to this theory.

I used to say, "know yourself and everyone who likes you for who you are will be by your side forever, not for what you are". Now, the one who said it can't even decide if he's an ambidextrous or mixed-handed. What a hypocrite.

Transition from a lone ranger to a socialite is very bad for your mind. Truely stressful. Even with more pressure when you're an introvert.  Makes you feel alone whenever everyone is gone, but feeling afraid when people wants to meet you.

That's all for this time. Can't sleep with this fancy biological clock of mine and my brain can't stop thinking, so I just wrote.

Wow...

I guess this is what you do for your best friend? Awkward, but whatever lol.
Best friend has to do his job.

Ohana

Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. For me, friends = family.

Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.

Here are 15 things real friends do differently:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/04/23/15-things-real-friends-do-differently/



They stick around. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.